ME AND MY FLAWS

Me and My Flaws

“My Present”………

Lately, I realized how often I talk about my share of achievements not really knowing that it already irritates a number of people around me. This significant realization left me pondering on a lot of things—-which prompted me to write this entry. I do not know why I have been acting this way. It’s as if I just want to be on top—praised, acknowledged, and recognized. But, what do I get out of these? Will I be really worthy of praises if I have already offended others?
Trying to grasp the reasons behind my actions, I tried to reflect in the most honest sense ever possible. I think I was used to being the center of attention way back in high school. And now, I am forgetting that this is not the same world I used to live in. I am no longer The One but rather I am just like anyone in this world trying to be heard— trying to be different. But, now I am convinced that I was never really The One. It was just an idea: it was just an illusion I unconsciously created when I was blinded by the applauses I have had heard.
I should start making companionships while keeping the old real ones. I should learn how to adjust. There is nothing to wait for if I would plan to wait for the things around me to change just to please me. I may be generous but I am still selfish. I may be polite and respectful but I am no longer the humble man they say I was in high school. I may be wise but often times I am actually stupid. I ask for forgiveness and yet I do not let go of grudges I hold in my heart. I may look happy but I am empty for real. I emptied my own life by loving myself too much. With this, I became The One—the one who was born and never really lived.
Before dreaming of having a good life, I should learn to dream for a “life”. I do not know if I should be sorry for being the way I am now but God knows how much I want to be given the chance to fix things I have long left broken. I should remember that more than what I am now, I am a human—a human just like any other being I meet everyday. So, all these realizations made me appreciate and value more the people I have now. They are the ones who came and never left. I can be with them at my best and I know that they will be there even at my worst.
The people I have lost—I should thank them. It is thru them that I learned the lessons brought by endings and goodbyes. I wish them the best and I hope that by the time our paths will cross again in the future, I will be a better man worthy to be valued and kept. For now, I should start living. It has been eighteen years of existence; I want my next years to be years of living and giving. For a boy becomes a man when he learns to face responsibilities amidst downfalls and a prince becomes the king once he learns to bow before the people and accept his flaws.

ENDINGS

Endings

“A tribute to the past”…

As I am sitting on my grandmother’s bed here in Cavite (my third home province), a question suddenly popped into my mind. Why is there a need for things to end? It appears to be simple and yet, more and more people are in dire need to seek for themselves why stories end when they feel like everything just started to be right. What complicates things more is the fact that endings usually come as a surprise—a surprise which will leave a scar somewhere in our anatomical composition. And no matter how hard we try to ignore or even deny the shadow which gives us the glimpse of what had transpired, we still find ourselves looking for the pieces we have lost— the moment that very bitter ending came. And there goes our pride—we ought to act as if it did not mean to us. But what our own mirrors project is a totally different us. This fact, we could not accept. Perhaps, we can never accept that we are changed by the circumstances which have betrayed us. We want to preserve our self-worth so we begin to be critical. At some points, we attempt to be very rational, thinking that it could help lessen the burden of the want-to-be-forgotten-yesterdays. But, little do we realize that it is the anger, it is the fear, and it is the denial caused by our closet’s horrors that challenged us to fit in after surviving (if I may say) from instances we wish not to have happened. But the question remains to be unanswered. One can never give even the best approximated answer why things end. If we should really be happy of endings the way we face new beginnings—new chapters we are bound to explore. Maybe it is not just possible for songs not to end. But it is important to note that though a song’s melody and rhythm end every time it is played, a song can still live. It may live as something which you long to hear everyday of your life, or it may live as something you want to be forgotten—something you just want to die and be buried in the deepest of memories a person can have. It all depends on how we want it to be remembered. Let endings be the new milestones of starting to spread your wings again no matter how dark the horizons may be. This entry ends here but the memories of a person which inspired me to write this will always have a place within the core of my humanity.